ठहरा हुआ सा कुछ

तरसती हूँ मैं
तुम्हारी आवाज के एक टुकड़े के लिए
जिसे तकिये तले रख
मुझे रात को नींद आ जाये

तड़पती हूँ मैं
अपनी खाली मुट्ठी में
तुम्हारे शर्ट पकड़ने को
थोड़ी देर ही सही

सिसकती हूँ मैं
तुम्हारे कंधे के लिए
कितने दिन कितनी रात
मुझे याद नहीं

अब जैसे आदत सी है
तुमसे नहीं मिलने की
तुम्हारा इंतज़ार करने की
जानते हुये कि आ नहीं पाओगे

टुकड़े टुकड़े सब
तुम्हें माँग ले जाते हैं मुझसे
तुम्हारी माँ
तुम्हारे ऑफिस के लोग
और हालात...

मैं रह जाती हूँ
दिन बीते
अपनी सूनी हथेली को देखती हुयी
मेहंदी की धुली हुयी लकीरों में
कहीं अपने सपने तलाशती हुयी

बस कुछ शैतान आंसू
आँखों में चले आते हैं
बदमाश बच्चों की तरह

मैं यादों के आँचल से
आँखें पोंछ लेती हूँ
और गांठ लगा देती हूँ ताकि भूल ना जाऊँ

यादों की गीली चुनरी ओढ़े
हर रात सो जाती हूँ
ये सोचते हुये

कि शायद कल तुम आओगे...

things i want to do before i die

well, i am a healthy female, all of 24 years and medically speaking there is no chance of me dying a natural death somewhere in near future. still i want to write this for the benefit of those who will love me even after my death...silly me. mera mannna hai ki main mar ke upar to nahin jaaungi( i mean swarg)aur dharti par hi aatma ban ke bhatakti rahungi.
to this article is for those who would like to meet my ghost in case i die in an accident...and for me to start ticking so that i dont become a bhoot(if all your desires are fulfilled you attend nirvana)

here comes the list... :-D
i want to see venice, athens and pondicherry
i want to visit darjeeling again (not single this time)

i want to see kunal bowling one of his fast spells and see if he scores over the charm of seeing shoaib bowl

i want to learn salsa and playing guitar

i want to see gone with the wind in a theater(now thats really impossible!!!!)

i want to go on an all india bike trip..or at least some 1000 kms on a bike

meet the students in my school in deoghar and counsel them about alternate carreer options

play piano in the hall i dream of...with marble pillars in white and glass walls

have a book published

make a film

o my god...i am sure i will always be a bhoot...my desires are too many.

please god let me live a lifetime....i have so much to do





PS.:this article is writen with a strictly humorous angle and is not to be confused with my suicide babbles and should neither be treated like my suicide note.

abstract

after writing thousands of words...
that fill pages and pages of my diaries

and every nook and corner
of my hitertho empty mind

i discovered i love him

and love him not just like that
(for sure i have loved before)

it feels different to love him
different to be in love with him

its like falling in love
with every aspect of mine

also about acceptin myself

dunno if he made me something different
from what i was before i met him

its about losing all sense of verse and rythm
alliteration and metafor

and still thinking it's poetry

its missing words
not wishing to find them

its wanting to post a blank page
hitting space more often

and ending when there is so much to write
or perhaps nothing at all

abstract

its impossible to forget those eyes
they have a force...a very powerful force

drawn towards them with a velocity
i want to lose myself completely

i want to fragment
my existence broken into atoms

to spread across far and wide
across their infinity

my tiny particles
scattered till the end of his existence
and the begining of mine

i want to create those eyes
like a painter uses his brush

i wanted to see how god created him
when did he put that force in his eyes

i want to touch the closed eyelids
before they ever opened

i can see the sculptor
shaping those almond shaped eyes

his gentle caress of finger
over the eye lashes

what is reflected in his eyes
they look like the supreme is looking at me

and i find my soul in those eyes

and i find

i am infinity

the fire of your eyes

dark

black

sinister

fear

enigma

power

energy

what?

its difficult to stare into them...and even more difficult to take your gaze away

the fire of your eyes

the electricity of your gaze

its impossible to forget those eyes...once and forever

भीगी खुशबू

हाँ खुशबू तो थी मेहंदी में...
पर महसूस बड़े अजीब वक़्त पे हुआ था

आँसुओं को पोंछते वक़्त
जब चेहरा ढक के बैठी थी हथेलियों में

चुल्लू में पानी ले के चहरे पे छींटे मारे थे
आँसुओं के होने को झुठलाने की खातिर

रंग छुड़ाने के लिए...
बिन मतलब बहुत से कपडे धो लिए

कत्थई हुयी मेहंदी फीकी पड़ गयी
पर नज़र तो आएगी ही कई दिनों तक

मैं ही पगली थी
किस्मत की रेखाएँ कहीं मेहंदी में छुप सकती हैं

किससे लड़ रही थी...पता नहीं

ये पता है की जब तक हथेली पर
ये लालिमा है

दिल में एक ज़ख्म टीसता रहेगा